it’s been a minute.
Embracing Growth and Compassion in a Divided World
As I sit down to write this post, I find myself reflecting on the incredible journey that lies ahead. I am both honored and excited to announce that I have been nominated and accepted a role on the North Dakota Chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Board of Directors. My term begins January 1st, 2025, and runs through December 31st, 2027. In this new capacity, I am eager to be a resource for those in need, to connect people with the help and support they deserve.
Mental health is a critical issue, and being part of an organization like NAMI allows me to work toward breaking the stigma, providing resources, and creating a more supportive environment for those who are struggling. But as much as I am excited about this opportunity, I also carry with me the weight of the current moment—both personally and in the larger societal context.
The Struggle to Navigate Today's Media and Politics
As a white, straight woman living in the United States, I am deeply concerned for the wellbeing of my family, my friends, and my community. This concern has only been amplified by the media landscape following the 2024 Presidential Election. There is a constant barrage of information, and it's become increasingly difficult to separate fact from fiction. We are living in a time when fear is often used to manipulate and divide us, and it's hard to know who or what to trust.
Part of the problem is the sheer complexity of the issues we face. Many of us simply do not have the time or the critical understanding to navigate legislative jargon, let alone decipher what is happening behind the headlines. And perhaps the hardest thing of all: we’ll never truly know someone’s intent—whether their actions are malicious, misguided, or well-meaning.
In moments like this, I find myself at a loss for words. I struggle to find a place in the conversation, especially on social media, where the stakes seem so high and the language so divisive. Politics is something I don’t feel I fully understand, and as someone who was diagnosed late in life with ADHD, comprehension has often been a challenge. Even when I read articles and try to form my own opinion, I am often overwhelmed with imposter syndrome. I’m constantly second-guessing myself, wondering if I’ve really understood everything correctly.
This hesitation extends to my role as a voter. Voting is a responsibility I take seriously, but it is also something that, for me, comes with a sense of doubt. I do my best to educate myself, to read different viewpoints, and to understand the issues at hand. But is that ever really enough? Is it possible to understand everything we need to, especially when we’re up against so much misinformation? It feels like there’s no "one-size-fits-all" solution to the political struggles we face, and if there were, maybe we wouldn’t be so divided.
The reality is that, like most people, I just want to do the right thing. I want to make informed decisions, but I also recognize that we can’t all have the same level of knowledge or certainty. Sometimes, the best we can do is educate ourselves to the best of our ability and fail forward, learning from our mistakes.
Struggling with Identity and Allyship
Another area where I’ve felt torn is in my role as an ally. Some of my closest friends are part of the LGBTQ+ community, and my heart aches when I see posts that claim I am not a true ally. It’s hard to see my intentions questioned, especially when I know the love and support I try to show every single day. But who am I, really, to define what it means to be an ally?
I think it’s important to remember that being an ally isn’t a checkbox or a label to be worn. It’s about how we live, how we love, and how we show up for others—especially in the face of adversity. I understand that my vote might not always align with the ideals of everyone around me, but does that really define who I am as a friend or an ally? I’ve come to believe that the true measure of our allyship is in our actions, not our political leanings. We are all imperfect, and sometimes we make decisions that are not 100% aligned with our values. But that doesn’t make us any less worthy of growth and change.
So, yes, I have a lot of questions. I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t claim to. But I do know that I will continue to do my best to be a kind, supportive, and loving person. And if that makes me an ally, then I am proud to be one.
Finding Strength and Purpose in the Face of Loss
In my life, I’ve experienced loss in many forms. I lost my freedom to live a typical childhood due to a chronic illness, I’ve lost family members and friends, my marriage ended, and even a part of my physical self—a foot, to be exact. But through it all, what I haven’t lost is my strength. I still have the ability to be a genuine, caring person, and I am willing to make mistakes and learn from them.
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the weight of loss, whether it’s the loss of something physical or emotional. But I’ve learned that we grow through what we go through. The challenges we face in life are inevitable, but how we choose to respond to them is what shapes us. It’s on each of us to decide whether we allow our struggles to turn us bitter, or whether we allow them to build compassion, resilience, and understanding. We are not defined by our pain, but by how we rise from it.
In a world that feels more divided than ever, it’s easy to feel helpless. But I believe that we are all capable of being the glue that holds others together. Sometimes, we need that glue ourselves. Sometimes we need to lean on others to remind us that even in the storm, there is light.
Moving Forward Together
The road ahead is uncertain, but I am committed to being a source of support for those who need it, whether through my role at NAMI or simply by being there for the people in my life. In a time when fear and division seem to dominate the conversation, I want to focus on what connects us rather than what tears us apart.
We are all living in complex times, but I believe that through compassion, understanding, and a willingness to grow, we can make a difference. There is no simple answer to the political, social, and personal challenges we face. But together, we can find our way forward—one step at a time.
Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I don’t know exactly where this journey will take me, but I know that it will be one of growth, learning, and, above all, love. I hope you’ll join me in embracing that journey, no matter where it leads.
my gbev.
Gigi
Im sure many of you know my grandma, Beverly Carol Bolduc. Some of you may not, and let me tell you, you’re missing out on one incredible woman.
One of my favorite stories to tell is from when I was in 7th grade. I had been staying with her and grandpa for the week while my parents were on vacation. She wrote me a note to get out of school for the afternoon for ‘an appointment’. Well, she took me out to lunch (we got Dairy Queen in Warren on our way to Grand Forks). When we got to Grand Forks, she said that my appointment was at The Bingo Palace. As a tween, this was so exciting to me, I don’t think there were many times where I was pulled out of school to go have fun without at least an eye appointment or something to do, this was all we were doing, lunch and bingo. We didn’t tell my parents about this until years later, I think I had graduated high school before we told them. Grandma, in her sweet, yet sometimes mischievous silence piped up and said “well it wasn’t a lie, we had an appointment….with bingo”.
For as long as I can remember G-bev and G-Rich have been there, as a craft helper in elementary school, to music concerts, sporting events, musicals that were two hours long where my only role was to come out on stage to play sleeping beauty, asleep lying as a prop during a song. They have been there. They have shown up for everything. I have countless small cards that were once attached to a bouquet of flowers telling me how proud they were of me in whatever activity it was I was taking part in.
Growing up their house was a block and a half down the street. We’d ride our bikes or walk over to say hello, see if they were outside, or to play around on the ceramic deer in the front yard while grandpa was at work (LOL). There was even a short period of time where G-Bev and I were co-workers at the Good Samaritan in Warren. I can say with complete honesty that in my 32 years, I have never met a single soul who did not like my G-Bev.
All of this has a point. This morning I was scrolling through Facebook and I saw this ‘Reel’. It was two grandparents and they are smiling at the camera as they take a selfie-style video of themselves. They are saying:
“You know on those days when you’re just ready to give up. We want you to do one more thing. Just try one more time. One more time, One more time. And, we love you”.
Facebook Reel can be found here.
I immediately started ugly crying. I thought, wow, such love. These grandparents want every child out there that maybe didn’t have a grandma and grandpa like mine, to feel what it’s like to have that. And for me, while I grew up with that, their video emphasized to me just how fortunate and special I am to have that kind of love in my life. How truly lucky I am to have grandparents who are so present.
When I was a teenager, most of my eighth grade year to be exact, I did not take care of my diabetes. I didn’t want it, I didn’t know what long-term repercussions I may face by not taking care of myself. I was going to lie, cheat, and misbehave with the body I was given over and over that year. I’d eat whatever I want, I’d skip my insulin, I wouldn’t test my blood sugar for days, I’d even have my friends test their blood sugar on my machine so it would show a ‘good’ reading. I was in and out of the hospital with Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA). This means my blood sugars were so high for so long that my blood was literally turning acidic, making me incredibly sick. I would do this over and over and over again. Through therapy as an adult it I learned that this was a form of self-harm, like cutting yourself, only it was deliberately not treating a chronic illness. One that I needed to treat every minute of every day, or my body would eventually fail me and I could die. I believe I was in and out of the hospital at least once a month my entire 8th grade year. With nobody to blame but myself.
My parents took incredible care of me, and as a parent now myself, I think of them sitting through countless emergency room admits, hospital stays, and ambulance rides truly understanding the terror they were faced with each time. These were instances where I could hardly breathe and was in so much pain from my body shutting down and going into self-preservation mode.
Now, G-Bev has never been one to get upset, she never raised her voice or told us no, really ever, that was grandpas job ;). However; she was tired of somewhat enabling me. She wrote me a note, that I have to this day, as a reminder when I am feeling like I don’t want to try anymore. Like the video of those grandparents, this note reminds me that she may not always speak what’s on her mind, because of the gentle soul she is, but her love is constant. I’ve never shared this note, it has been something i’ve kept for myself. But the video I watched this morning inspired me to share just how important my grandparents are in my life. While my family has other ideas of what made me finally stop the self-sabotage, it was my G-Bev, always.
The note reads:
“Shelby-
Heard the sad news that you weren’t taking care of yourself and now you need meds for your kidneys. I don’t know what your experience as a young adult with diabetes is, but you were dealt with it and only you can take care of it. We love you very much and we want to see you grow into a lovelier lady than you are! We are given only one body and many blessings. Most of the blessings we don’t count. You were given a brain to make choices, which choices you make are all yours, good and bad. Please look deep in your mind, soul, and spirit and make good choices. I’m sure you will try harder. Achievers are Believers.
Love you, Grandma Bev =) <3”
This note is roughly 20 years old, it has many crinkles in it from moving and being re-read over and over again, but it is still whole, like me. It is for those days when I am ready to give up, but I need to try one more time. One. More. Time.
I definitely do not know what I did to land such an amazing soul as my grandma, but I do know that God knew what he was doing when he assigned me to her.
*one foot in front of the other :)
The vibe is in shambles…
(Yes, I realize the actual 4th isn’t until tomorrow, but listen, depression, like UPS employees, work all major US holidays — rain or shine).
The Fourth of July weekend! Independence Day! The fireworks are a kaleidoscope of colors as they soar into the sky with a hiss and burst into vibrant chaos.
Some view it as a special day to remember the people who work hard to uphold our liberty, while others see it as an opportunity to purchase food for a barbeque and consume copious amounts of alcohol, enjoying moments with their relatives around a pond. No matter how you choose to celebrate (or not celebrate), that is totally alright! Maybe you own a business, and this weekend serves as an ideal chance to offer discounts and bring up those mediocre sales figures on your showing from earlier in the year.
Each year, I’ve looked forward to the 4th of July. Not only because it meant that my birthday was soon to arrive (but nobody needs to know I was hoping for gifts), but also because my family's celebration was always quite spectacular. By the lake, colorful lights hung from the trees, and people in red, white, and blue clothing were sipping drinks and playing with their kids as they ran around, splashing in the water. The air was filled with the aromas of burgers, fruit, and sulfur. Although this year was no different on the surface, I felt a weight pressing on me as I realized that my left ankle--usually so active during these celebrations--was no longer with me. That's okay though, I have accepted it. What I didn't anticipate hitting me like a pontoon abruptly kissing the shoreline with some boozy Uncle Sam as the captain; while nothing may have changed outwardly, internally my perspective had been altered.
The joys that made this holiday special to me were illuminated like sparklers with beaming realization. This year, I couldn't partake in many of these activities: pontoon rides, jumping into the lake on a hot day, and swimming with my son being just a few. Although my family was there to pick up the slack, it still hurt not to be able to enjoy the festivities as I normally would have. All of the changes I faced due to my new normal stood out more than ever.
I'm not one to back away from a challenge, and I usually don't show my emotions when it comes to things in my way. It was too much, however; something that could have been avoided. The grief and grace I felt were undeniable. My entire life I've worked hard to prevent having to deal with limb loss due to diabetes, yet here I am, with half of my life still ahead of me, facing another obstacle that was no fault of my own.
I am still learning (I know, it has only been just over a month since I found out this was all happening). I know how to accept and give myself the grace I need to heal emotionally, but I struggle daily with physical limitations. I am (stubbornly) independent, and was raised to never rely on others for things. This isn't me, but I need to learn to accept the hands that wish to help me, to give myself time to heal, to understand that this IS temporary, I AM strong, and I WILL be doing all of this in the years to come. But for just one day, I needed to feel how unfair this whole situation is.
If this feeling of depression, dissociation, helplessness or whatever feeling overcomes you, whether you're facing something physically or mentally trying, whatever it may be. Know that those feelings ARE temporary. You WILL regain whatever you feel you are missing in that moment. You WILL be stronger for each step you continue to choose to take.
Please know that taking a rest, resetting, and realigning your next 'steps' is okay. There are people that want to be the punk to your fuse, and help you light the way.
*one foot in front of the other :)